My. It's been awhile since I wrote anything. Quite awhile in fact. My husband felt I needed a "real" job to contribute to the household income. His big idea was to "buy me a job." In the OC. A "small" winery. If you know my husband, he does not do anything in a "small" way. Five years later, plenty of trials and tribulations, a big learning curve, some tears (yes, you know it, a lot!), new friends, and some joy, Orange Coast Winery is still going strong.

What could be wrong?

For starters, I hate to commute. Hate? How about loathe. The biggest waste of time and energy suck ever known to people-kind. Why on earth would my husband, who is well aware of my disdain for commuting, "buy" me a business almost 75 miles away?? It's still a mystery.

But, I digress. My real purpose of this blog is not to expound on the difficulties of owning and managing a business 150 miles round trip away from your home, although, that's a great topic for another day. My true intentions for today's blog is to discuss growing older and hopefully wiser.

I see inspirational videos and photos on Facebook or on the net (can you even call it that still? internet? that thing Al Gore created? what is it call nowadays? I hate not knowing the cool, in-vernacular!). Anyway, digressing again, there's a pattern being established here... Anywhoo...I see these articles and pictures about wildly happy and successful people who continue to reinvent themselves and become overnight sensations like the 80-year old Chinese dude that is totally ripped and is on the catwalk and created his own mime troupe and all sorts of cool stuff like that. Or the 80-some year old female model still looking killer on stage at the latest fashion week....and making the rounds on morning shows and talk shows who all embrace growing older and being cooler than Kool-Aid.

I'm worn out looking at them.  Is it just so wrong to want to start to slow down at some point in life. You know, what happened to, "Slow down you move too fast?" Or, stop and smell the flowers? Or, gasp, actually RETIRING! I want to do just that. Slow down. Sip the fru-fru coffee. Babysit my grandchildren. Visit my sons. Spend time with my elderly parents. Travel. Heck, it can even be WINE-Themed travel to appease my husband. I want to wake up in my 5th wheel on the coast of Maine. I want to frolic with my poodles in a mountain stream while staying in a log cabin tucked away nearby.

I dreamed of being in movies once upon a time. I even dabbled in it. I was even a contender with a reality show and a Sundance film under my belt. Do I really want to keep throwing myself down that path for the maybe, what if, it could happen if I work hard enough? I dreamed of being a model. I even tried that out once upon a time and landed a few print ads, TV commercials, and a modeling contract. But, once again, to diet constantly, to deny myself wine & cheese, to claw my way tooth and nail next to some scrawny 20-something with more neurosis than I have shoes?

So, I continue the quandary that today's society places on us to keep growing, evolving, changing, and learning. Ok, should I go back and work on that Doctorate in Psychology and try to save the world again? Nah, been there done that after 25 years in Education and Counseling. Time for someone younger, with more energy, and bigger rose-colored glasses than I have at this point.

Why can't I just BE?! Why do I have to keep proving myself over and over? Why do I need to get Fit at 40 or be Fabulous at 50? Or, paint like Gramma Moses at 80? Whatever happened to it being OK to retire at 55???

My husband and I go round and round on this topic. He SAYS he wants to slow down and take life a little easier. Yet! He plants another vineyard and leases another building to open a new business. Then, guess who gets to be his unwilling vict...um, I mean, partner! Me! Cranky Me who just wants to be! I want to have lunch with the girls, go to Zumba, visit my grandkids, spend time with my parents with what time they have left here on this sphere, maybe even go out on a limb and do an, "Eat, Pray, Love," kind of trip with my sisters or a girlfriend. Never alone. I'm just not as cool as that one chick who wrote that book.

Let's start a revolution! Let's bring back the fun of retiring at 55! Let's refuse to keep evolving into some fine, well chiseled 80 year old stud muffin. I say more skinny dipping and streaking! More sleeping in! More sitting at a sidewalk café in your own downtown drinking 2-3 bottles of wine and having riveting debates about fashion or talking about the glory days when you'd go to the disco until closing time then drive home a bit tooted because you were an excellent drunk driver. (Oh, settle down, moral majority, Mad Dads, etc., I'm  not condoning or encouraging that type of irresponsible behavior, just keeping it real and admitting it happened.) More Oktoberfests! More just selling your shit on Ebay. Then use the money to splurge on some decadent spa treatment.

I'm going to do it. Just you wait. Some day, I will start that revolution. Just as soon as I find the energy!